How to Survive A Traumatic Home During The Holiday Season

As the holidays approach, there may be some hesitation around heading back home to be with family and loved ones. For many, the holiday season can be one of the most stressful times of the year. According to the American Psychological Association, 41% of people say their stress increases during the holidays. This can be due to many factors including having to spend additional money, tense environments, or the anticipation of trauma triggers. 

In the popular show Master of None, during the Thanksgiving episode, Denise returns to her mother’s house for the holidays. Everything was going well until a conversation about Denise’s sexual orientation arose. While sitting across from her mother in one of the scenes, Denise finally admits that she’s gay. The episode then flashes back to when she was a child and how throughout the years she never formally admitted it to anyone. 

The holiday season in itself is a high-stress time, but can be even more so because it can often be a reminder of the past. Coming home and reminiscing can often feel like going back to a place you’ve outgrown. 

When you step outside of your comfort zone to flourish, coming back can seem difficult.

It can also trigger emotions that you may not have had to face in a long time. When this happens emotions are high, leaving you to figure out how to respond to these encounters.  

If you find yourself having a hard time adjusting back this holiday season, here are some tips to maintain your mental health: 

Set & enforce Boundaries

The holiday season in a Black family is known for conversations that often cross the line. Unfortunately, conversations like these can make many members uncomfortable, especially if they aren’t interested in sharing their business. When questions arise that you’d rather not respond to, instead of answering, simply practice enforcing a boundary. Boundaries can look like explaining that you’d rather not answer the question or changing the subject.   

Remove Yourself from hostile environments

Sometimes, there will be members of the family that will simply overstep. Without causing a scene, the best option may be to remove yourself from the environment. When things get heated, it is quick to want to retaliate and respond harshly. However, this won’t do anything but create more tension during a time that is supposed to be filled with love. Instead, consider leaving the main room where all of the guests are crowded and taking a bathroom break, going into another room to cool down, or taking a walk outside. These are great ways to cool your body down and allow you to think of the perfect response. This will also create a moment for those in the discussion to change the subject.  

Book a Therapy Session 

I know, I know, you may not think therapy can help, but as a therapist myself, I have seen firsthand the effects of therapy. Therapists can give you the tools needed to practice setting boundaries or trusting yourself despite whatever situation you’re in. Opening up may seem intimidating but, your therapist is your advocate and only wants to see you win. 

Speaking to a therapist about your hesitations about coming home for the holidays is a great first step to navigating this high-emotion time. 

I would be honored to support you in your journey to healing. 

Schedule a 15-minute consultation with me here.