it takes a village: tully explores the postpartum experience
In honor of Mother’s Day and Maternal Mental Health Month, I wanted to honor a film that truly opened my eyes to the isolation and intensity of what is the postpartum experience and how New Moms Support Group can help.
ABout The Film Tully
In its 5th anniversary, Tully is the story of Marlo, a married mother in the process of having her 3rd child. Marlo first presents as the relatable mother. She’s a loving advocate for her son with special needs and practices sensory exercises with him at night. She’s also the kind of mother that isn’t above yelling across the house to hurry her kids or getting frustrated by tantrums. But damn, is Marlo tired… and even more so after baby #3 is born.
Marlo Struggles With Receiving Help
We're given the montage of the baby/mother vortex where all Marlo does is feed and soothe baby Mia 24/7, catching any moment of unsatisfying rest as she can. This brought me back to the point of having chills. It feels too soon to revisit, even though my kid is now 3 years of age. I almost teared up at watching breast milk spill on the counter, recalling how I cried buckets every time that happened to me. Marlo struggles with receiving help and it’s implied that she struggled with depression after her second child.
After 3 weeks, she finally acquiesces to her brother’s offer for a night nurse and is introduced to Tully; a young free-spirited woman that Marlo gravitates quickly to because she reminds her of a younger version of herself. But the twist is, Tully IS the younger version of herself, a hallucination that has manifested from a place of depression and a longing to go back to a place where she felt like herself again…her 20s.
A New Moms Postpartum Experience
Before this film, I thought the postpartum experience was this euphoric time when you’re bonding with your baby. Where you don’t have to worry about work, and you’re just reveling in the bottles, swaddles, and onesies people couldn’t stop showering you with during pregnancy.
As much as this film burst my postpartum experience bubble, it is not without criticism. It only scratches the surface of the world of Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. Even though Marlo's symptoms span through different PMADs, the film doesn't really acknowledge what her illness was. They named it "severe exhaustion", which is something experienced by most first-time parents.
As much as I love a 90-minute movie, it only barely comments on the lack of responsibility partners (particularly men in this case) feel in preventing and addressing postpartum mental illness, leaving it solely on the woman to take care of herself.
So what is a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder?
Also known as PMADS, Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders are a number of psychiatric disorders that present themselves during the perinatal phase (from conception up to 1 year after giving birth). This ranges from Mood Disorders (Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder), Anxiety Disorders (Panic and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders), Trauma (Birth Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress), and Psychosis.
What do I do if I think I have a PMAD?
Diablo Cody wrote this screenplay as a vehicle to process her own feelings about the postpartum experience. Postpartum depression affects about 800,000 birth givers a year. I myself have been one of those 800,000. Even as a mental health practitioner, I struggled with naming my condition and was sunk into a hole of shame, guilt, and remorse.
With the help of my therapist and the social support around me, I was able to do things like get rest, have a clean space again, eat regularly, and talk through the negative thought patterns that were draining my self-worth. Since then I was able to launch my full-time private practice, become my own boss, and pivot to a career that lets me tune into my authentic self. I was able to lean into myself again but now with a new baby by my side.
Even though Tully wasn’t real, she was a manifestation of all the things someone in Marlo’s position needed:
A friend to take her out every once in a while
Someone to make sure the other kids are cared for
Someone to clean the home so Marlo can wake up to a refreshing and inspiring space
Someone to encourage her to reconnect with all parts of herself
And most importantly, someone to validate and give a non-judgmental ear
Are You Struggling With Being a New Mom?
If you are someone who struggles to ask for help for these things from people in your community, think about reaching out to talk about the ways therapy could be helpful. Sometimes talking to someone outside of your world can provide the judgment-free zone you need to really process what you’re going through. One of the most important resources that can save the lives of women postpartum is the community. More information on my New Moms Therapy Group in New York, NY can be found here.
My biggest lesson is that there is no shame in asking for help and letting others support you; it’s what “it takes a village” is all about. It’s not just about the baby. You are in season of receiving and there’s no shame in that.
Tully is currently streaming on Netflix
Ready to Join a New Moms Support Group in New York, NY?
Are you struggling with your postpartum and life transition of becoming a new mom? Take the first step towards self-care and join our empowering New Moms Support Group soon at Restority Space. Connect with fellow mothers, and myself group therapist Fanny Tristan, navigating the beautiful but challenging postpartum journey, sharing experiences, and finding the strength and understanding you need to thrive together. Together, we can embrace this transformative phase and create a community that uplifts and supports every new mom.
Meet with skilled therapist Fanny Tristian
Start your journey to healing and finding support in group therapy!
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED AT RESTORITY SPACE
If you’re struggling with more than just the big life transition of becoming a new mom, Restority Space offers a range of therapy services to support you no matter what you are experiencing. I’m committed to providing the care women may need when it comes to their mental health online in both New York and New Jersey. Other therapy services I offer include Trauma Therapy, Individual Therapy, and Group Therapy. No matter what challenges you face, I am here to help support you.